Archives for category: Lifestyle

In this book, Daniel Goleman shares a review of the emotional intelligence concept.

The relationship between stress and performance has been known for about a century in psychology. It’s called the Yerkes-Dodson Law.

The relationship of stress to performance, captured in the Yerkes-Dodson Law, shows that boredom and disengagement trigger too little of the stress hormones secreted by the HPA axis – and performance lags. As we get more motivated and engaged, “good stress” brings us to the optimal zone, where we perform at our best. If the challenges get too great and we become overwhelmed, we go into the zone of burnout, where stress hormone levels get too high and hamper performance.

 

About Social Emotional Learning or SEL :

But the big surprise in the payoff for social and emotional learning: academic achievement scores go up eleven percent. Why would that be? I suspect it has to do in large part with how HPA axis arousal interferes with cognitive efficiency and learning. If you are a kid who’s preoccupied by worry, anger, distress, anxiety, or whatever stress causes in you, you’re going to have a diminished capacity to pay attention to what the teacher is telling you. But if you can manage those emotional upsets, your working memory – that is, the capacity of attention to take in information – increases. And SEL teaches you how to manage these disruptive feelings – not just through lessons like the stop light, but through learning how to get along better with other kids (a major source of those turbulent feelings). And that lets you be a better learner.
And of course if you’re an adult at work, this identical skill set will make you a better performer. And it’s never too late to develop further strengths in emotional intelligence.

Adam Grant is a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, in this book he talks about two different attitudes : the one of giving and the other of taking (or being selfish and self-centered).

It appears that giving has its downsides, people could take advantage of it, but it builds mature relationships in the long-term perspective.
On the opposite, by taking the maximum in every situation, the outcome could be better in the short run but affects the long term.

 

 

powerless speech is actually more influential than powerful speech.

 

As burnout expert Christina Maslach and colleagues conclude, “there is now a consistent and strong body of evidence that a lack of social support is linked to burnout.”

 

Taylor’s neuroscience research reveals that when we feel stressed, the brain’s natural response is to release chemicals that drive us to bond.

 

The dating couples—especially the ones in love—operated like selfless givers. Their default approach was to empathize with their partners’ needs and give in right away, regardless of their own interests. Concern for their partners had the effect of “short-circuiting efforts to discover integrative solutions in favor of more accessible but less mutually satisfactory outcomes,” the researchers write, leading to a “‘kid gloves’ approach to problem solving.”

 

Focus attention and energy on making a difference in the lives of others, and success might follow as a by-product.

 

How to Win at the Sport of Business: If I Can Do It, You Can Do It,

It’s a 100 pages book, the best Mark Cuban posts selection from his blog. It’s the essence of his spirit in business. Easy to read, it’s a must-read :) in the top #100 best-seller in different category from amazon.com.

 

The edge is knowing that people think you’re crazy, and they are right, but you don’t care what they think.

 

Sir Richard Branson shared with us how he see his approach in business, and he goes direct to the point.

 

The harder I practice, the luckier I get

– Gary Player

I sincerely believe might constitute one of the most powerful sentences a business leader can utter : “I not sure – what do you think ?”

 

in most cases 90% of life is just showing up

 

his top ten recommandation :

  1. Follow your dreams and just do it
  2. Make a positive difference and do some good
  3. Believe in your ideas and be the best
  4. Have fun and look after your team
  5. Don’t give up
  6. Listen, take lots of notes and keep setting new challenges
  7. Delegate and spend more time with your family
  8. Turn off that laptop and iphone and get your derrière out there
  9. Communicate, collaborate and communicate some more
  10. Do what you love and have a couch in the kitchen

 

 

 

This is a book about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to savor one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations—to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to ex- tract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives.

 

  1. The Divided Self
  2. Changing Your Mind
  3. Reciprocity with a Vengeance
  4. The Faults of Others
  5. The Pursuit of Happiness Love and Attachments
  6. The Uses of Adversity
  7. The Felicity of Virtue
  8. Divinity With or Without God
  9. Happiness Comes from Between
  10. Conclusion: On Balance

If Passion drives, let Reason hold the Reins.

— BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

 

This finding, that people will readily fabricate reasons to explain their own behavior, is called “confabulation.” Confabulation is so frequent in work with split-brain patients and other people suffering brain damage that Gazzaniga refers to the language centers on the left side of the brain as the interpreter module, whose job is to give a running commentary on what- ever the self is doing, even though the interpreter module has no access to the real causes or motives of the self’s behavior.

 

Human rationality depends critically on sophisticated emotionality. It is only because our emotional brains works so well that our reasoning can work at all.

In later studies, Mischel discovered that the successful children were those who looked away from the temptation or were able to think about other enjoyable activities. These thinking skills are an aspect of emotional intelligence—an ability to understand and regulate one’s own feelings and desires.

 

the lesson Buddha and Aurelius had taught centuries earlier: “Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.”

 

You can change your affective style too-—but again, you can’t do it by sheer force of will. You have to do something that will change your reper- toire of available thoughts. Here are three of the best methods for doing so: meditation, cognitive therapy, and Prozac. All three are effective because they work on the elephant.

 

Passionate love is a drug. Its symptoms overlap with those of heroin (eu- phoric well-being, sometimes described in sexual terms) and cocaine (eupho- ria combined with giddiness and energy).

 

if the sages have a variety of unstated reasons for warning us away from passionate love and attachments of many kinds, perhaps we should be selective in heeding their advice

:-)

 

Love and work are crucial for human happiness because, when done well, they draw us out of ourselves and into connection with people and projects beyond ourselves.

Rich Dad Poor Dad, is in the top #104 of best seller on amazon (today :-) ). This book tells the story of Robert Kiyosaki and his two dads—his real father and the father of his best friend, his rich dad—and the ways in which both men shaped his thoughts about money and investing.

 

Lesson #1 The Rich Don’t Work for Money
Lesson #2 Why Teach Financial Literacy?
Lesson #3 Mind Your own Business
Lesson #4 The History of Taxes and the Power of Corporations
Lesson #5 The Rich Invent Money
Lesson #6 Work to Learn Don’t Work for Money

 

“Unfortunately, for many people, school is the end, not the beginning.” (rich dad talking)

 

What is assets and liabilities ?

 

If I want to increase my expenses, I first must increase my cash flow from assets to maintain this level of wealth. Take notice that it is at this point that I no longer am dependent on my wages.

 

As part of your overall financial strategy, we strongly recommend owning your own corporation wrapped around your assets.

 

When you know you are ignorant in a subject, start educating yourself by finding an expert in the field or find a book on the subject.

 

INVEST FIRST IN EDUCATION: In reality, the only real asset you have is your mind, the most powerful tool we have dominion over.

(…)

You can watch MTV all day, or read golf magazines, or go to ceramics class or a class on financial planning. You choose.

 

If you have read this far, arrogance is not one of your problems.

 

In today’s fast-changing world, it’s not so much what you know anymore that counts, because often what you know is old. It is how fast you learn. That skill is priceless.

 

With each dollar bill that enters your hand, you and only you have the power to determine your destiny. Spend it foolishly, you choose to be poor. Spend it on liabilities, you join the middle class. Invest it in your mind and learn how to acquire assets and you will be choosing wealth as your goal and your future.

Timothy Ferriss is an American author, entrepreneur, angel investor, and public speaker. In 2007, he published The 4-Hour Workweek.

A book full of ideas :

  • Contain tips to delegate your work (by email), how to delegate more, to be more productive
  • Discuss about the usage of virtual assistants or VA
  • Where/How to travel

Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you in life.

—JOHN F. KENNEDY”

I can’t give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.

—HERBERT BAYARD SWOPE, American editor and journalist; first recipient of the Pulitzer Prize

 

Challenging the Status Quo vs. Being Stupid

 

The Timing Is Never Right.
I once asked my mom how she decided when to have her first child, little ol’ me. The answer was simple: “It was something we wanted, and we decided there was no point in putting it off. The timing is never right to have a baby.” And so it is.
For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where …” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

—LEWIS CARROLL, Alice in Wonderland”

 

Practice to ask phone number:

Excuse me. I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don’t ask you now, I’ll be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I’m running to meet a friend [i.e., I have friends and am not a stalker], but I think you’re really [extremely, drop-dead] cute [gorgeous, hot]. Could I have your phone number? I’m not a psycho—I promise. You can give me a fake one if you’re not interested.

 

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you’re a man, you take it.

—MALCOLM X, Malcolm X Speaks

It isn’t enough to think outside the box. Thinking is passive. Get used to acting outside the box.

 

But what if your concern isn’t so much losing your children but losing your mind because of your children?

 

 

People say that what we are seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.

—JOSEPH CAMPBELL, The Power of Myth

 

If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake.

—FRANK WILCZEK, 2004 Nobel Prize winner in physics

 

Don’t postpone decisions just to avoid uncomfortable conversations

 

Note : look in the end the recommended books.

Joel Salatin is a full-time farmer, he shares his experience in his book of an alternative way of farming, and why, our days a lot of things are not normal.

 

You can deliver chicks through the mail :-) because they spend 3 weeks to lay the eggs without eating too much :-)

 

Yes, it’s work, but so is trying to figure out what to do with unruly youthful hormones at 2 a.m.

Historically, normal youthful development entailed a meaningful contribution to the household. Work defines the individual.

 

What does that do for the personhood of a child? All of us crave affirmation, especially affirmation that genuinely recognizes our contribution to society. Being able to touch others in a meaningful way with our gifts and talents creates reciprocal affirmation.

 

Our societal paralysis to leverage youthful energy in a more meaningful way than soccer, ballet, and video games indicates profound imagination constipation. This protective timidity that denies our young people risk and self-actualization keeps them from attaining emotional, economic, and spiritual maturity

 

note : I stopped reading at the chapter : Disodium Ethylenediaminetetraacetate—Yum!

David Joseph Schwartz (1927 – 1987) was an American motivational writer and coach, best known for authoring The Magic of Thinking Big in 1959. He was a professor at Georgia State University.

 

Isolate your fear. Then take appropriate action.

 

I walked over to my bookshelf, took down my personal copy of Fifty Years with the Golden Rule, and said, “Paul, read this book and return it. See how, in J. C. Penney’s own words, just doing what’s right made him one of America’s richest men.”

 

Here is a psychological principle that is worth reading over twenty-five times. Read it until it absolutely saturates you: To think Confidently, act confidently.

managed motions can change emotions

 

  1. Action cures fear. 
  2. Make a supreme effort to put only positive thoughts in your memory bank. 
  3. Put people in proper perspective.
  4. Practice doing what your conscience tells you is right.
  5. Make everything about you say, “I’m confident, really confident.”

 

To think big, we must lise words and phrases that produce big, positive mental images.

 

Creative thinking is simply finding new, improved ways to do anything.

Step one: Believe it can be done

 

Be an experimental person.

How much we can do depends on how much we think we can do.  When you really believe you can do more, your mind thinks creatively and shows you the way. 

Remember, a mind that feeds only on itself soon is unclernourished, becoming weak and incapable of creative progressive thought.  Stimulation from others is excellent mind food. 

 

Person who thinks his job is important
Receives mmtal signals on how to do his job better;
And a better job means
More promotions, more money, more prestige, more happiness. 

 

Because big men do not laugh at big Ideas.

 

Trying to learn all there is to know about people by studying one small group is like trying to master mathematics by reading one short book.

 

Go fIrst class in everything you do. You can’t afford to go any other way. 

 

It always holds true. A man who lacks enthusiasm never develops it in another.

 

MAKE YOUR ATTITUDES YOUR ALLIES

 

Success depends ou the support of other people.

Take the initiative in building friendships-leaders always do.

Take the initiative. Be like the successful. Go out of your way to meet people. And don’t be timid. Don’t be afraid to be unusual. Find out who the other person is, and be sure he knows who you are.

 

The person who does the most talking and the person who is the most successful are rarely the same person

 

Destroy fear through action.

But persistence is anyone of the ingredients of victory. We can try and try, and try and try and try again, and still fail, unless we combine persistence with experimentation

 

Stop blaming luck.

The important thing is not where you were or where you are but where you want to get.

Use goals to help you grow

 

Every big accomplishment is a series of little accomplishments.

The step-by-step method is the only intelligent way to attain any objective.

Profit comes from only one source: investment.

LET’S TAKE ACTION  :

  1. Get a clear fIx on where you want to go. 10 years.
  2. Write out your ten-year plan.

  3. Surrender yourself to your desires.
  4. Let your major goal be your automatic pilot.
  5. Achieve your goal one step at a time.
  6. Build thirty-day goals. Day-by-day effort pays off.
  7. Take detours in stride.
  8. Invest in yourself

 

 

This book was first published in 1937 ! Dale Carnegie (1888 – 1955) was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement.

 

raw notes:

Difference between appreciation and flattery. One is sincere, one not.

I am talking about a new way of life.

we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves

 

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

– Henry Ford

Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love

– Buddha

 

“In an article in Bits and Pieces, how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument :

  • Welcome the disagreement.
  • Distrust your first instinctive impression.
  • Control your temper.
  • Listen first. 
  • Look for areas of agreement. 
  • Be honest. Apologize for your mistakes
  • Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.
  • Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.
  • Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

 

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.

– Galileo

 

—isn’t it better to begin by saying: “Well, now, look. I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts.

 

“I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

 

PRINCIPLE 6
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

 

Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honor and distributed 15,000 crosses to his soldiers and made eighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and called his troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticized for giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, “Men are ruled by toys.”

 

Books – (from wikipedia):

  • 1915: Art of Public Speaking, with Joseph Berg Esenwein.
  • 1920: Public Speaking: the Standard Course of the United Y. M. C. A. Schools.
  • 1926: Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men. Later editions and updates changed the name of the book several times: Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business(1937 revised), How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking (1956)[16] and Public Speaking for Success (2005).
  • 1932: Lincoln, the Unknown.
  • 1934: Little Known Facts About Well Known People.
  • 1936: How to Win Friends and Influence People.
  • 1937: Five Minute Biographies.
  • 1944: Dale Carnegie’s Biographical round-up.
  • 1948: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
  • 1959: Dale Carnegie’s Scrapbook: a Treasury of the Wisdom of the Ages. A selection of Dale Carnegie’s writings edited by Dorothy Carnegie.
  • 1962: The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking. The fourth revision of Public speaking and influencing men in business, by Dorothy Carnegie, based upon Dale Carnegie’s own notes and ideas but a very different book than original.

The Power of Habit, published in 2012, related different non-fiction stories to illustrate how habits are formed, sustain or are changed.

The book is written by Charles Duhigg, a reporter for The New York Times.

 

This process—in which the brain converts a sequence of actions into an automatic routine—is known as “chunking,” and it’s at the root of how habits form.

 

This explains why habits are so powerful: They create neurological cravings.

 

Rather, to change a habit, you must keep the old cue, and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine.

 

THE GOLDEN RULE OF HABIT CHANGE
You Can’t Extinguish a Bad Habit, You Can Only Change It.
HOW IT WORKS: USE THE SAME CUE. PROVIDE THE SAME REWARD. CHANGE THE ROUTINE.

 

Habits could be used in emotional situation to handle calmly the crisis.

Are we responsible of our habits ?

“to modify a habit, you must decide to change it.

Habit Reversal Therapy:

THE FRAMEWORK:
• Identify the routine
• Experiment with rewards
• Isolate the cue
• Have a plan

 

 

 

 

This book, published in 1989, was written by Stephen Covey.

Despite it is a title usually used for a post in a blog, it is a powerful book on business and life. It is ranked #2 in the Amazon business category.

The seven habits are:

  1. Be proactive
  2. Begin with the end in mind
  3. Put first things first
  4. Think win-win
  5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
  6. Synergize - Principles of creative cooperation
  7. Sharpen the saw – Principles of balanced self-renewal

To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand 

Albert Einstein observed, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Marilyn Ferguson observed, “No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.

Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.

Try it in your marriage, in your family, in your job. Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it -immediately. Don’t get into a blaming, accusing mode. Work on things you have control over. Work on you. On be.

Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation.

 

“Begin with the End in Mind” is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things

 

  • Interdependence with oneself:

To do not have a sense of security that would depend from external factors, we should create interdependence with ourself. When we reach this point, we do not use external factors to be secure. External factors like money, work or other people judgment.

To achieve interdependence, the author suggest we use principles and integrityWhen we are able to choose to become interdependent, we are “capable of building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people”. 

If I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me. If you didn’t like me, it could be devastating. 

You’ll no longer build your emotional life on other people’s weaknesses.

 

  • About Maturity:

Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. If a person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties.

 

  • A conversation to reach a win-win situation:

“Would you be interested in going for a win-win solution that both parties feel really good about?” I would ask.
The response was usually affirmative, but most people didn’t really think it was possible.
“If I can get the other party to agree, would you be willing to start the process of really communicating with each other?”
Again, the answer was usually “yes.”

Goethe taught, “Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”